Witty One liners

I have a thing for Intelligence... nothing like a great humor of sense.
These are some I found:

-Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

-Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

-Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

-If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

-Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Dark - Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

-Crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

-About Car Seat: Front-Kids cause accidents. Rear-Accidents cause kids.

Funny facts:

-Canada is an Indian word meaning 'Big Village'.

-Castor oil is used as a lubricant in jet planes.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321